Doreen coming clean it was just hell in the hallway in between - Apr 07,2014

My name is Doreen L. I was born in Arizona, lived in Alaska, Texas , Oklahoma an Illinois by the time I was 11. I grew up moving every 3 years because my father was in the army. My mother is French, and it was not uncommon to have wine at dinnertime. My father was a raging alocoholic. His booze was kept locked up. He passed away when he was 54, I had not seen him since I was around 12 or 13 years old. I have 4 siblings, 3 brothers and a sister, all born in different states, one in a differnent country. I am the youngest of the 5. 2 of my brothers are admittedly alcoholic/drug addicts. Both are in recovery. My oldest brother has been in the programs for almost 35 years, while my second to the oldest brother has been in and out for 25. He also suffers from Schizophrenia. We are fairly certain that it was induced by the hard drugs he took as a teen, but my mother also suffers with it mildly. My sister is the only one of us that has never had problems with alcohol in her life, at least as far as I know, she "watches it". My last brother is 13 months older than myself, and he still drinks and smokes weed. My mother is French, and it was not uncommon to have wine at dinnertime. We moved to Illinois after my parents divorced when my father retired. It was not a nice divorce, he was not a nice man....I promised myself that I would never become an alcoholic, like my dad, his dad, my brothers, my aunts and uncles, the line just goes on in my family. The truth is that I had my first blackout drunk at 12. Throughout my 20's, I had myself convinced every time the blackout drunks happened, it was just a once in awhile thing, it happened to everyone, right? It never dawned on me that most people didn't have that experience of not remembering what they did the night before, I thought it happened to everyone. But I didn't drink daily, never when I was upset.